Name: Kim
Age: 21
School: UCI
Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence --- whether much that is glorious- whether all that is profound --- does not spring from disease of thought --- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect. -- edgar allan poe

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July 30, 2005

assumptions

Too much spare time?
Assumptions: an entry all about me. :)

A lot of people comment to me that I have too much spare time, since I spend them writing the types of entries that I do.   However -- what is it about my entries that makes it look like I actually take time on it?

Unlike many people who blog, I guess, I DO think in paragraphs -- so my written entries actually only take about 10-15 minutes to write.  As for the the entries with modified pictures -- come on now, I've been doing web design and web development for 8 years (yes, since I was 14) and had my first taste of adobe photoshop 3 at the age of 15 -- do you think it takes any time for me at all to scribble shit on a picture?

All defense aside, I notice that it's not only me that gets these types of comments -- the more prominent people are in their blogging, the more they get this question.  So to settle this once and for all, I'd like to say: if taking an extra five minutes of my time to think of something thought provoking from my day to write, as opposed to writing about my day itself means that I have too much spare time, then perhaps I do.

But for those of you who think I spend too much time -- what do YOU do with those five minutes?


What I do, who I am

Another question I receive often that is along the same lines is "What do you do all day?"  So, to acquiesce to your demands, even though I try to write as little about that kind of stuff as possible, I will tell you.  Will it make you understand me more? Probably not, but it's worth a try, right?

On Monday-Friday I work at this company from 9-12.  From 12:30-6 I work at this company.  For the first company, I make online tutorials, for the second I do web development.

In my spare time, I knit, sew, work on my webpage (www.madpimp.com) watch anime, sex and the city, and friends. I like to play poker, go clubbing, and I read a LOT. 

For the past 4 years I've belonged to a community service club (www.ucicirclek.org, part of the KEY Club/KIWANIS family) -- this is my first year not in a position, but I've had the priviledge of serving as Lieutenant Governer, Spirit Chair, and California Nevada Hawaii District Technology chair.

I spend copious amounts of time with Lan (formerly Sup007). 

And sometimes, when I'm not too tired of the internet from being the computer the whole day at work, I go online and scribble some bullshit that people happen to read.

Things I don't do: Clean my room.  Take shits every day.  Talk to my family.

The most recent pic of myself that I could find -- the reason I'm not looking at the camera is cuz there's porno on the computer screen.  It wasn't very good porno, though.  I'm disappointed.


And... that's all, folks!

What do YOU do all day?

Posted by Kim at 08:52 AM | Comments (0)

July 29, 2005

Racism or Bigotry?

Racism or Bigotry:
Which do you prefer?

After  my post yesterday -- to which I received mostly agreements that I originally expected to be indignant flaming, I realized that along with myself, there are a lot of openly racist people out there.

However, there were a couple people who gave me heated responses (one even called me the Hitler of Xanga! -- please don't call me that, I prefer Mussolini, thanks... I'm not quite as badass as Hitler)  Anyhow, it wasn't really enough to spark my fire and write back an indignaant response to their comments.

It was then that I read my friend Larry's blog.  He wrote:

Racism sucks.

That's why I'm a bigot instead of racist. Go bigots!



Which got me thinking...  Is there such a thing as a difference between the two?  And if there are, can you be one and not the other?

Racism here is spoken with this definition: Discrimination or prejudice based on race.

A Bigot is: One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ.

(www.dictionary.com)


Myself
I came to terms with the fact that I was racist a long time ago.  I realize that it's a part of my upbringing and that there are some thoughts about race I that just come naturally to me because of my parents and the media.

The unbearable thought is that I have to come to terms with the fact that , perhaps, along with being a racist, I, too am a bigot.

And then I realized it's true, I am.  That's why most of my friends are Asian, why I go to a school that is mostly Asian, why I enjoy learning about Asian culture more than any others.  Sure, it might not all be Vietnamese stuff, but I definitely identify more with Asian culture than any others.

Which takes me back to my original thought:
Can you be a racist without being a bigot? Or vice versa?

My answer to that is:  I don't think anybody isn't a little bit of a bigot, or a little bit of a racist deep down inside.  Our parents and the media have made sure of that.  However, as long as we don't act upon those racist and bigoted feelings then we'll be able to live our lives as if we weren't racists or bigots.

But... we can't forget that we're human and because we can see differences in each other plainly, we'll never truly be without racism (until we're all mixed, and then at that point, it'll be somethign else).

Posted by Kim at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)

July 28, 2005

Koreans

Nobody I know likes typical Korean people:
Not even other Korean people.

Dave Chappelle said something on Def Poetry Jam  -- it went something like this: "Now I'd never say I'd hate all korean people.  I haven't met all korean people.  That hate talks for savages.  But even though I don't generalize --  I do do percentages and averages.  So far I hate 1 out of 5 korean people I've met so far."

Word.

For me the percentage is about half, I think.  I like about half of the Korean people I have met.   Which means, I dislike the other half.

Why?  Because all of the rest are whiney, bitchy, racist, hypocritical backstabbers.  That's right.  I said it, motherfuckers! 

Korean people are the only people I know that wrote me hate mail simply because I said I liked Korean music. Apparently, my Vietnamese ears weren't priviliged enough to listen to their precious language.  Excuse me, but the hate mail was written to me in English -- maybe if the hate mail had been in Korean I would have believed them.

I ESPECIALLY hate Korean bitches.  There isn't one guy I know who has dated a Korean girl and wasn't screwed over royally.  I've seen people destroy their whole lives for Korean bitches that leave them in the dust because they found someone better.  I've heard story after story of Korean bitches being Korean bitches.  Even guys who LOVE Korean girls know that they're going to get fucked over when they date a Korean bitch.

You might say to me then, "Why then, Kim are two out of four of your closest friends Korean?"  It's true, they are Korean -- but the difference is that one of them is gay, and the other one is a complete liberal [come on, women's studies @ berkeley?].

So, today's question: Why are typical Koreans so fucked up?


So what is it that we have learned today, kiddies?  Kim is a racist bitch who hates all Korean people.

Okay, not all Korean people, just more than half the ones I have met.  And apparently, the ones I haven't met are just fun to make fun of.

Bring it on, bitches.

Posted by Kim at 09:15 AM | Comments (0)

July 27, 2005

Hell

Which is more hellish?
Hell, or your own mistakes forever?

The common Western conception of Hell is burning flames and torture by demons, zombies and other creatures that relish in people's... discomfort.  At least, that's what I understand from movies.

...Pretty shitty ending for one's life -- especially if you're being sent there simply because you don't believe in the Western God.

However, as I was reading "Play", a play by Samuel Beckett, in which the characters are in a purgatory, living a part of their life over and over and over again  -- I began to think...

Wouldn't it be even more hellish than the common conception of hell if you had to live your life's worst mistake over and over for the rest of all eternity?  I mean, seriously, at least if you are tortured by demons, a part of you can think "Fuck, it is kind of unjustified that I'm being tortured by demons for all of eternity just because I made a few mistakes in my life... it's not like I did this to anyone" (That is, if you weren't a demon torturer yourself... but that's besides the point.)

The reason I think that would be the worst is because if you were forced to live your worst mistake over and over [the one you regretted the most], you'd know you deserve it -- because you're the one who made the decision to make the worst mistake of your life in the first place.

I don't even believe in Heaven and Hell, and I think that's fucking scary!

I just know, when I die, I'll have to live with the the thought "Shit.  I shouldn't have gone all-in in heads up with Jack-Ten off-suit." for the rest of all eternity.

What do you think is the most hellish? 
... and if hell were my version, what would you be forced to live with for the rest of eternity?



*note, i am actually only reading "Play" by Samuel Beckett, which can be found online
here

Posted by Kim at 12:59 AM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2005

Candide

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
Do things happen for a reason?

In Voltaire's Candide the main character, whose name is the same as the book, begins his life with the belief that everything happens for the best in this best of worlds.  As the story goes on, Candide clings and grasps to his belief as one after another outrageously shitty things happen to him.  Half-way through the book I caught myself thinking "Man, things can't get any worse than this!"... and yet, they did.

So, through this social sattire, Voltaire smashes to pieces the ideals of the overly optimistic.

===================
My views

Personally, probably because I was raised buddhist, I feel that though everything may not be for the best, I cling to the belief that everything is equal.   It may not be equal to everybody -- people in poverty and people who are ridiculously fortunate, but overall in the large scheme of things, everything is balanced.

At least -- that's what I like to think.

===================
Things I'm reminded of because of this book (and if you like to think about this kind of stuff): Arthur Nerssesian's The Fuck Up, and the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie gets dumped by Burger via post-it.

===================

So tell me... what do you believe? 
Do things happen for a reason?
Are we all a part of a big pattern on the wheel of time?
Or is it all just bullshit that humans make up to make life more bearable?

Posted by Kim at 12:49 PM | Comments (0)

July 23, 2005

VEGAS

Off to Vegas!
-- Alright everybody! I'm off to Vegas! Wish me luck -- and remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas -- unless it's Blog-worthy... because then everyone has to know about it.


Gentlemens clubs, Casinos, Wheel of Fortune Slots, free drinks, Pai Gow, Mini Baccarat and Blackjack .... here I come! !  !  !   ! ! ! ! !

Posted by Kim at 12:13 AM | Comments (0)

July 22, 2005

Support Positive

I needed new clothes and I found this site...
SupportPositive.com:

I've been looking around for new clothes lately, since I sold all of mine because of el-fat-tummy-o and I found out about this amazing clothing company called AccentuateClothing.  Their designs look more like stuff you would put on your wall than on your body... Gorgeous!


After taking a look at their site, I've decided that I really want to buy a shirt from them, but I'm not sure which one.. So I've narrowed it down to three choices, and I'd like you guys to tell me which one I should get... :)

CHOICE 1: Wings
I think this one looks really cool because the print is actually printed on the INSIDE of the shirt in BLACK, making the wings show through the shirt in grey.  Way cool idea.

Doesn't my hair look HOT in that pic?


CHOICE 2: Heart

This one is also pretty cool, because the little cupids in the shape of the heart are actually printed over the side of your breast... Mmm.... breasts.  Wait, though.. This might not be a good idea because I don't have any breasts, so I shouldn't be drawing attention to them.

CHOICE 3: Beauty
The name of this is "world of beauty" but I just like it beause it has nifty curly-cues and shit.  Unfortunately, it's only availible right now in the men's section... But, I could use some masculinity now and then.

-------------

Which one, which one?! I'm totally at a loss.  I think they're all gorgeous, but I'm going to vegas soon, so I have to save my money and only get one for now.  I'm horrible at fashion choices, so I need your input!!

Posted by Kim at 10:57 AM | Comments (0)

July 21, 2005

Linguistics

Linguistics: Things that amaze me

Today I'm taking a break from ethics (though I plan to have a further discussion on that in the future -- your comments are positively intriguing) and taking a dip into linguistics.

---------

So I was thinking the other day about the power of written communication.  It's amazing to me that with simply twenty-six letters, 10 numbers and some auxiliary punctuation marks we can communicate to each other in such a full manner.

The most striking thing to me is that we do not even need to always use the 'correct' manner of spelling things to be able to communicate with each other because of the power of phonetics.  (This, to me, is most evident in all of the teeny-bopper pages out there.)

For example:

"OMg! i <3 jo0! u r de hawt SHIET kim!"

There are only two words in that sentence spelled correctly -- one is a one letter word, and one is my name.  Also, the word "you" is spelled incorrectly twice.  However!! Amazingly enough, through the power of phoenetics and symbolism most of you will understand that sentence -- and even more amazing, some will find it as easy to read our native English.

-----

Which started me thinking about how we are SO good at understanding multiple forms of our own language simply through sounds that we can even make entire sentences out of single letters.

So far, the ones that I've been able to come up with, or have seen are "O, I c" , "A! F u!" and the classic, "I O U".

It totally amazes me every time, how malleable the human mind is.

What are your favorite methods of alternative spelling? ... and how far do you think we can go, before it ceases to be communication?

(Go nuts guys, this is the one and only time I'll accept people who 'rItE LyKe diS!!'*~~!)

Posted by Kim at 10:13 AM | Comments (1)

July 20, 2005

Ethical Standards: Part One

The hipocrisy of parents:
"Do as I say, not as I do -- unless it benefits me."

Society tells us that good parents will teach their kids to be honest and good people. So, that's what parents teach to their kids -- at least when it benefits them. For example, a kid who steals from the proverbial cookie jar will get punished for stealing, and even more if he lies about it.

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Ethical, idealistic, and promising.

How come then, is it the parent that is teaching the same child to lie, steal, and cheat?

----
Alright, I shouldn't generalize... But honestly, who here has never lied, cheated or stolen anything in their life? I'm willing to bet among those that arent lying that most that read this can think of one instance where they've done one of these things.

I know I have.

Now, I know there are other factors that teach people to do these unethical things -- such as, say, the media, or your peers. However, in my case, the people from whom I learned to actually justify such actions were definitely my parents.

Afterall, my parents aren't thieves, they weren't bad people (and neither am I, I don't think)... But even they are human. As a child I caught them in white lies, I saw them grab grapes and candies in the grocery store and munch on them when no one was looking.

It made me think, hey, why can't I do that? And so I did. And I do. Even though I know it's wrong, in my mind it's justified because I saw my parents doing it as a child.

As I grew up, I saw more. I caught more mistakes, lapses in judgement. My parents, my teachers, people who were supposed to be my role models, the things I thought were wrong, I understood them more. And though I thought they were wrong, I began to justify them more.

When my parents got divorced and my mom began to drink heavily...

I thought... My mom, she drinks because my dad is bad, and he cheated on her. It's okay, because drinking eases her pain. Even if she drinks the entire bottle of cognac a day.

So when I began college, and symptoms of bi-polar disorder started in me..

I thought... There is so much pain... It's not that bad to drown it and suppress it with alcohol and drugs. That's what one is supposed to do.

And so I did. Even though the logical part of me knew it was wrong, I was still able to justify it without feeling much guilt because I had seen my mom doing it. Even though, if my mom ever knew, I knew she would kill me for doing such 'bad' things.

But what would she be able to say, really, if I replied "I do this because I learned it from you" ?
--------

I guess the cliche moral of the story is that actions do speak louder than words, and that kids are a lot more observant and susceptable to learning your weaknesses than you think.

But... The real message I want to get out, the real question I want to ask is this:

Who taught you the rules of ethics?... and who taught you to break them?

Posted by Kim at 10:51 AM | Comments (1)

July 12, 2005

Weight Gain

Hi, my name is Kim, and I'm getting fat.

No really. I'm getting really, really, really fat.

I'm 5'00 and 120 lbs. My BMI is 23.4.

I've gained 10 lbs in the last 6 months.

I've gained 32 lbs in the last 4 years.

I also have high cholesterol.

Don't give me that pithy crap about how I used to be overly skinny and that now I'm a more 'normal' weight. All I know is, regardless of what the charts say, that if I continue the way I eat and live, by the end of this year, I'll be technically overweight, and a year from now I will weigh almost twice as much as I did when I first started college.-- which is really disgusting to me.

This morning I looked in the mirror at myself and noticed I have a double chin -- which is something I never thought I would have in my entire life. Where did it come from? How long has it been there? I'm not sure...

But I know how I got here. I got here by eating 3 mcdonalds sandwiches in a meal at once. I got here thinking that 15 chicken nuggets is a snack. I got here cooking for myself and thinking "butter makes everything taste better!"

So, this I propose to myself: Fruits for breakfast instead of hashbrowns. One serving of creamer instead of two in my coffee. Fruits and vegetables for snacks instead of chee-tos. Sushi or salads [low dressing] for lunch... and only one serving size for dinner [instead of three].

I know some guys who say they like girls who can eat -- but I know no one that says they like girls who are clinically overweight or obese.

------

Oh yeah, and I'll stop driving to places that are within walking distance... Most of the time.

Posted by Kim at 11:14 AM | Comments (5)

July 11, 2005

Writing


I've been looking through blogs of old acquaintences lately -- just to see what they're up to... and to see if they've changed as much as I have. Some have, some haven't.... but there was something throughout that I noticed -- something that had nothing to do with the actual going-ons of their lives.

I've noticed that people who like to write as their pasttimes and people who are good at writing write much (and generally people who enjoy reading a lot) and rarely reveal very much about themselves through their writing. You may catch glimpses of their personalities, and glimmers of their lives, but for the most part, they hide behind their prose.

On the other hand, those who are just as intelligent but aren't necessarily interested in writing, write as themselves. Their personality shines through and though the angsts may not be as angsty as the good writer, and their happiness may not be as clear as the good writer, you get more a sense of who THEY are, how THEY speak, what THEY want you to hear than the so-called 'good' writers.

-------

Why is this? Is this because good writers are also story tellers? Is it because good writers learn instinctively to not write things that will haunt them later? Or is it because those who are not interested in writing know nothing more than writing as themselves...?

If so, why aren't the good writers writing as themselves? Are they incapable of doing so because of the switch between writing and speech? Or is it that they choose to do so because they want to portray themselves in writing as someone other than themselves?

It makes me wonder....

Posted by Kim at 10:51 PM | Comments (0)