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February 18, 2005
Depression
As of late, I've been exposed to many types of blogs. The ones that touch me the most are the ones that I can relate to on a personal level.Stories of death and suicide always bring chills to my spine and unbidden memories to my mind. I can't escape what I once was, though I try so hard to convince myself that I've changed. Some days I feel myself slipping back into that old comfortable sleeve of depression. How do I get out? It's a place I know so well, that once I'm there, sometimes it feels easy.
It's funny, that depression can feel easy. Sometimes it really is, though. Easier to be depressed than happy. Depression I don't have to work at, depression doesn't take extra thought, extra care, extra effort. Happiness is something I must constantly fuel with things, people, activities. Alone and left to my own devices, my mind easily falls back into the place in which it is most comfortable.
Negative > * ?
Why is the positive so easily pWned by the negative?Thinking about this made me realize something I have always known -- destruction, devastation, and depression will always be easier to achieve than their positive counterparts. Why is this though?
Why is it that to lose everything, all you have to do is nothing, while to gain anything of worth you have to work hard? Why is it that things that take years and years to be developed can be destroyed in a single act of nature, or of human?
Take the tsunami for example.
Take a long-term relationship cut short by the mistake of one person.
Take a building destroyed by a wrecking ball.
An instant, that's all it takes to destroy something that may have taken a lifetime to create.
Is this just a fact of life?
Or is this because as humans, we can't be satisfied with something that isn't hard to achieve?
..Like all of those people who are only interested in "the thrill of the chase" and the instant that they catch their prey, they lose interest... Like how girls are taught to play "hard to get" at a young age... Like how a lot of activities are only fun if you have to struggle to become good, if you have competition and the chance of defeat.
Are bad/negative results just easier to achieve, or are we psychologically inclined to believe that the only things worth having we have to work for?
TODAYS LINK
A section of my blog to encourage a bigger internet
Zesdagen.blogspot.com: Beautiful writing. Appears to be a mixture of truth and fiction. It touches me. I highly, highly recommend the entry entitled "Midnight Tourist".
Posted by Kim at February 18, 2005 09:47 AM
Comments
depression is caused by a social wall fall upon ourselves. why does everyone has a
different view on one particular item? when we're depress, often we see things and an idea come up in our mind, but nobody knows what exactly we're thinking. how come our close-to-heart sometimes cant read our mind? but when we're depress we think se can see through whats happenning upon us, see through people, see through ourselves and we also think noone sees through you. the truth is, we never except whats happening with us is the fact. sometimes a depressed person ignores to understand other people and the comforts around them. i've been through depress since the age of 15-16, i dont know why it would happen to me at such a young age. i see your topic really interest me, my comment is based upoc my experience and what i think. btw, i knew your site for about 3 years now. i never really post any comment because i never thought i can relate to you. i see in you and know why you were depressed. YOU THINK TOO MUCH (since you were a young girl.)
Posted by: tammy at February 18, 2005 11:55 AM
Well I'm not going to give you a reason why you are on occasion or were depressed, but I will say that i suffer the same thing...like i was about to kill myself a few minutes ago, not to freak you out but I wouldn't mind dying. Nothing around me makes me happy, it's all depressing. I have had a friend that I have liked for a long time..hell I'm pretty sure I love her, but I think I'm afraid of that word...our relation is terrible, on and off and then she just does something terrible, like she wants to hurt me. It doesn't exactly anyones fault why they're depressed at all, it's everything. My life sucks, and when I say sucks I don't mean my mother used to ground me alot or some other stupid reason...it sucks, I've been caught up in a world of selling and using drugs since i was 7. So it's everything, it all adds up...like you said with the hard to get or thrill of the chase, to just your lifestyle, or popularity, struggles of being overweight in todays society, even "days of love" like valentines day...todays society brings people down. By the way..I'm markykos on xanga...you will never see me express myself too fully on that, hell i don't even have good friends that I can talk to anymore...someday, maybe, I'll finally get out of this stage in my life, possibly when I move away from this town of sins and sadness. But as for you, you should let yourself slip into the darkness which is depression, maybe I'll think about taking a nice fishing trip myself, lol
On a different note, your the only one whos left a comment on my xanga since I took a break from the thing, maybe I'll start writing of my thoughts and of more meaningful subjects again. Thank you
Posted by: Mark at February 18, 2005 12:38 PM
You're really right, never thought of it that way. Depression is easy. It's a cop-out. It's cheating yourself and your maker.
I fight it with all my strength. I could really tell you some stories.
Posted by: Richard at February 18, 2005 07:05 PM
Hey stranger, its crazy how I always end up running into your site. I hope this last blog isn't an indication of how you're feeling. I miss the MADPIMP, IM me sometime.
Posted by: Nick at February 18, 2005 11:59 PM
there is no such thing as depression, only self-respect. you either respect yourself or you don't.
you have gotten me addicted, hopefully i do as well. password is 'letmeein'. shhh.
Posted by: boogie at February 21, 2005 03:39 PM
