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January 02, 2005
True Story [a diet]
A few months back I was trying out a new diet. It wasn't really a diet, but more like a change of eating style. I was eating about 10 "meals" a day in fairly small proportions (carrots, an apple, a bowl of rice, etc.)
So the result of this 'diet' was that I felt hungry ALL the time. Seriously, trying to curb your hunger for dinner by eating 10 carrot sticks really does not work that well.
Anyhow, one day I was just chillin at home in front of my computer when my stomach started feeling funny.
"My stomach feels funny," I thought to myself, "it must be hunger."
So I proceeded to eat some carrots. This didn't ease the feeling in my stomach, so I thought, "Maybe I have to go poo."
At this thought, I tried my best to take a shit. -- Seriously, my face was like >_<. I sat there for about 5 minutes and not even a turtlehead. This was frustrating, and even though the book I was reading was fairly interesting, I didn't feel like sitting on the can waiting for my carrots to digest so I could shit it out.
So I decided that I would just ignore the feeling.
This is where things turned bad. 10 minutes later, all of a sudden as I was sitting at my computer, there was a blinding pain. It was like... A massive hurting. You know the pain that hurts so bad that you dont know exactly where in your body it's originating from, but you just know that it's bad?
Yep. That kind of pain.
I ran to the bathroom, in hopes that I could exorcise the demon of pain from my body.
I sat down and there was an A-bomb explosion. A mushroom cloud in reverse. Words cannot express how much shit was expelled from my body due to my excessive eating of carrots and apples and rice. It must have been all the fiber.
Thinkin I had finished and I started to go for the toilet paper when all of sudden, completely unbidden to me there was ANOTHER explosion.
Needless to say, when the ordeal was done, I was completely spent and had to take a nap.
..and the moral of the story is that I can't tell the difference between hunger and diarrhea.
Posted by Kim at January 2, 2005 04:27 PM
Comments
I hope you don't have any more painful explosions
Posted by: jr at January 2, 2005 10:03 PM
WOW! I haven't visited your site in a looooong time! Nice to see you're still around. Umm... Yeah... Sounds like you need a little less fiber, heh.
Posted by: DC at January 2, 2005 11:41 PM
This was the funniest shit I've read in awhile...LOL.. can't stop laughing..... ok.. ok.. *phew*...
All I can add to this is I just about get an A-Bomb explosion a day, so I can relate but not pitty. =P
Posted by: RaSenGan at January 2, 2005 11:46 PM
my goodness...funny shit indeed
you had my laughin for a bit lol
can't say i've ever had an a-bomb explosion dump before, but I have had some shotguns and magnums before....and a strange green pile....but let's not talk about that one.
anywho..all that matters is that pooping feels good.
Posted by: kurisu at January 6, 2005 04:18 AM
Yo whats up girl i just dropped by to say your fucking hot!!!
you have to teach me how to TUT like that..
i saw your tutting video and your fucking bad ass.
me & my homie johnny were into pop locking and break dancing
well yea holla bakx @ us
--rezpect--
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